hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
