he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I supernannyed him into submission
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
