We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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