Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
