i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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