i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would ride that face into the sunset
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
