so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
