Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
