I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
