I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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