i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
