My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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