Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
