Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
