So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
