I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
