Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
