my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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