she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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