Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you mean i was at the winter classic?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
