did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
