bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
