Tell her she can't have a vagina
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
