I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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