I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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