This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
