I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
