my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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