$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
