dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
