If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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