It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
