I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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