he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
