I will die if light touches me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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Vodka?
Forever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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