I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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