You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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