his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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