so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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