I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The air was thick with penises
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
