This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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