Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
