Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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