Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
