I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
