margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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