Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize