i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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