The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
