genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
