Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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