She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
