So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
