Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
