I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
