I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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