just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
