Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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